Have you ever felt regret that the clock couldn’t be turned back? Regret that the past actions cant be undone?
I have several times & for the silliest reason. One incident in particular was more traumatic than the rest. I had a childhood friend. We grew up together. We were associated in several ways, we were neighbours, we played sport together, my mother taught him etc. Inspite of the fact that my younger brother was his buddy, I always thought of him as a a really good friend. As luck would have it we worked for the same firm. The first house my wife & I stayed in was also the first house he & his wife stayed in(An awful house he had remarked with a smile… :-)). After about a year & half in one place we moved to different places and specialised in our own fields. If you wonder why I am going to such elaborate extent to justify he was a friend of mine…. there is a reason… He was an eternal optimist, with a easy smile which would brighten a room already illuminated by a 100 halogen lamps…. He was a prankster who looked like a prankster with no apologies… it was an honour to be in his company…..
We kept in touch. I know we were aware of each others triumphs & tribulations, we also exchanged notes ever so often when our paths crossed. After almost ten years I was back at the place where it had all started. I was in a teaching position. The course of instruction was difficult and long. I saw the list of people attending the next semester had his name on it….. I was happy to have him on our team…. I met him shortly & it was no chance meeting. I had planned for it to happen…. We exchanged notes as usual and I made a small request to him…. I sat him down and told him “its a gruelling training schedule for this semester and i Know we will have discussions, arguments & fights as two professionals who are good at their job would….. but we MUST under all circumstances part as friends….
To cut a long story short we didn’t part as friends….. not too long after that my friend was no more… his life cut short tragically in an accident…. any one he had even a passing association with mourned him…. he was such a guy…..
His absence was felt by me with an added regret that we didn’t part as friends…
Loss of speech, hearing, a lost limb or a sincere regret, the hardy human invariably survives even if badly scarred….. So did I…. I could only feel the hollowness inside silently as I read multitudes of messages on his facebook page beautifully crafted as he was one true gem of a guy…. I did so without contributing to it….. I just wished I could just make up……
We all are very good at getting on with our own lives, I am no exception… the only difference was that I got a chance…. I was fast asleep one night and there in front of me was my friend… with that unmistakable loud happy voice saying “Hi Aviator!!!!”
In my sleep i remember sobbing…. All the time thinking I must make up with him….. I must make up with him….. “Show me your latest gadget he said” I took him to my workplace showing him…. He kept remarking “wow yaar”… “this is truly amazing, if this stuff was with every one our work would be so much simpler” etc etc. All the time I was thinking… I have to make up with him…. again & again….
After I had finished telling him whatever I had to…. there was a long pause & grabbed the opportunity … I asked him “you know what Really wish we could have parted as friends”…. he looked down briefly then looked up and nodded… then we hugged as friends, as we always had….. childhood friends……
I woke up still sobbing but ecstatic and happy……. I don’t know, whether in your book if some one can make up in his sleep….
I honestly dont care as I am at peace on this issue, I really am :-)…..